We have been living in a bubble. Six years. When Amichai was one, he entered a day care program that took care of all his needs – PT, OT, speech therapy, not to mention a watchful and caring staff that worked with us to set lofty goals. When he was three, he marched himself upstairs to start the pre-kindergarten program. When he was five, he ran from the right end of the hallway to the left end of the hallway to start kindergarten. At every stage – the same watchful and caring staff at our service. Amichai has grown leaps and bounds. And now, we are in the final year. Six years in a protective, warm bubble. But soon it will time to leave and with that comes the hunt for first grade. Where should he go?

There were two recommendations of framework made by his kindergarten staff. The first recommendation – Amichai can go into a mainstream classroom given the right parameters – a smaller class, an inclusive atmosphere, a shadow/wrap-around/assistant – whatever terminology you choose – to help when he needs. This made sense to me. The second recommendation – a resource room track. This would be a separate, smaller class with kids that have a variety of cognitive or behavioral challenges. While the class would physically be in a mainstream school, there is limited to no interaction with the rest of the kids. Within the class, each child receives their own individual educational program. Hmmm. I asked why they thought this was an option – Amichai is sometimes in his own world and works at his own pace. Hmmm…Is there any cognitive delay or issue? Not that we can see. (An official evaluation will be conducted but they don’t anticipate it revealing any diagnosis.)

I pondered this recommendation. I have zero issue with special education. See above paragraph and this article. I am grateful for it. Amichai needed to be in this framework to ensure proper development, but now…does he need it? To say that Amichai is in his own world sometimes and works at his own pace…well, I spoke to several educators and parents and their reaction was the same – show me a first grader who doesn’t fit this description. Even more so, this very issue is being addressed. The overwhelming feeling is that Amichai is not your average run of the mill six-year-old space cadet. He is kid with a lot on his mind. Can’t blame him. But this not being ignored. See this article. These emotional challenges are being attended to through his work with the psychologist, and certainly next year we will continue working with her to ensure a smooth(er) transition. While I respect the staff fully, I kind of wanted to say – ya, tell me something new. Seriously. Tell me something new that would help me understand why there is a need to keep him within the special education system. I’m open to it, I’m not scared of it, and if its what he needs – I’m all for it. But if there is no specific cognitive or behavioral issue – what really lies at the heart of this? Why are they hesitant?

I imagine their hesitancy lies in fear. What if it’s too much for Amichai to handle? Amichai is an introvert. There are times when he doesn’t always want to participate or share. New environments can overwhelm him. He doesn’t always like to be in a crowd. He takes him time, a lot of time – to warm up and feel comfortable. They are scared he might get swallowed up in a bigger classroom of kids. That he will retreat into his shell. That his self-confidence could break. These aren’t thoughts that have not crossed my mind, but two things give me assurance: 1. I am introvert too – we do just fine with the right support. 2. Amichai has that support and has made a tremendous amount of progress…keep reading; still – I have other fears. I am scared of how he will be accepted. How will the kids react to Amichai? How will he react to them? What efforts will the teacher make to create a positive environment of inclusivity?

But I also have fears – even greater fears – in the other direction. If Amichai is placed in a resource room – in a class with other children who have cognitive challenges or behavioral issues that Amichai does not have – won’t that hold him back? What if he isn’t challenged? What if his potential is not met, worse what if its not even seen? This is incredibly scary to me. I shared these thoughts with the staff. They didn’t disagree, they fully understood this side of it too. I know they care deeply for Amichai – but the fact is they happily sit on the sidelines. They kept repeating – at the end of the day its your decision. They aren’t passing the buck – its just not their responsibility. Its mine.

Determining what Amichai can handle, where he can be pushed and where he needs a little more support comes from knowing this child to his core. And I know him. Amichai has gone through many stages. He has grown, matured, and changed – sometimes with tiny little steps forward and at other times with giant leaps. At each stage, I listened carefully to what the professionals were saying – how he was progressing, what they were concerned about – both physically and more importantly emotionally. I addressed these concerns and we continue to put in the work. Yet all along, I just kept saying – be patient, give him chance, he will get there I know he will. And so, I was overjoyed but not surprised when his kindergarten teacher told me in the beginning of the year that Amichai is different. That all the sudden he’s participating, he’s sharing, he’s engaged, he’s answering and asking questions…he’s breaking out of his shell. She said it’s a giant leap forward. I told you so.

It’s not just with my gut, but it is with my full understanding and belief in him – that Amichai can go into first grade like any other child. I say this knowing it will be challenging. It will be a transition for him, there will be days that might be harder than what we bargained for. I have spoken to parents who have children with CP. Their children are much older than Amichai and have gone through the process. They relayed to me that there are trials and tribulations, that you must advocate for your child, that the school must know who you are. I get it, I’m preparing for it. They will know who I am. But the truth is there are some very good options out there for Amichai – schools with smaller classes, schools that have an eye toward inclusivity, schools that are progressive in their educational approach, schools that encourage different types and paces of learning. This path is not easy but its encouraging and I’ll take it – I’ll take all of it because I know he can do it. Just give him a chance. He will get there…he’s already on his way.