The first time Amichai had an eye infection it led to a stay in the NICU, so you might think that still today – even the mere sight of puffy and red eyes would send me into a post-traumatic tailspin. But it doesn’t. It doesn’t because I choose to understand Amichai’s first eye infection as a symptom that saved his life and – well because sometimes, most times…its just pink eye. Drops and cream will do the trick and indeed as I write this, Amichai’s big beautiful eyes are clearing up.

But, if you are a parent who witnessed your child go through a traumatic medical event, there can be a logical tendency to overthink and over analyze every illness or ailment that he or she will experience from that point forward. Is this a lingering symptom? Early on, I fell into that trap. My mother told me to rely on my instincts. My instincts? Before I had a child, I was doubtful I had any maternal instincts, and now I was to rely on them to take care of a little baby who had suffered a stroke? Perhaps knowing that I was still on edge, my mother also told me not to hesitate and call the doctor for anything. I put him on speed dial. The first time Amichai got sick with a vrius, I thought he was having a seizure when all he was trying to do was throw up.

Since then, I have relaxed a bit. I’ve learned I actually do have maternal instincts…a virus can just really be a virus and not an epileptic episode. To be clear, I am extremely diligent in giving over Amichai’s medical history to every medical professional we ever meet. The first time I took Amichai to the dentist – where all he did was count his teeth – I busted out his records. And in fact, the dentist was grateful I told him because he took extra care in testing his bite and examining his jaw line – making sure his mouth was equally strong on both sides. All doctors need to know background and history to properly diagnose and it would be irresponsible as a parent not to provide that information.

But it can also be irresponsible to remain fixated in time. Amichai is not defined by his stroke or his CP. It is a part of him, but it is not him. Similarly, any illness or ailment that comes up usually does not need to be looked at through this prism. If – Gd forbid – Amichai had continuing and chronic ailments, if he presented as frail, feeble and frequently unwell, then there would be cause for concern. Perhaps then I would still be trapped in corridors of the NICU, understandably unable to move forward. But he doesn’t. Time and experience have showed me that he is like any other growing child who has a perpetual runny nose, isn’t always honest about washing his hands, and ends up with pink eye.

And these are good things really. If I look past my own annoyance of needing to cancel work and feeling unproductive, I am thankful. There are parents right now sitting in a NICU somewhere, anywhere – wanting nothing more than to deal with a gross crusty eye. Before Amichai was discharged from the hospital, a social worker gave me the single greatest piece of advice that I continue to follow. She told me to treat Amichai like a normal baby. While there is now a lot of trauma and baggage that now surrounds the story of his birth, she pointed out that he doesn’t know that. I might be worried and anxious, but its unfair to put any of those worries on him. She told me to check the baggage at the door and move forward. Move forward so that I can enjoy the exciting times, the ordinary occurrences, and even the frustrating moments that will inevitably come.

She was right.

I treat him like any other child, because that’s what he is. I’ve moved forward. I enjoy the exciting times, I find peace in the ordinary occurrences, and if you give me time to reflect, I can at least try to appreciate the frustrating moments…like when I need to wrestle him down to put drops in his eyes. And that is a good thing.