I heard a new parenting term the other day – snowplowing… you know, like clearing the way. Any obstacle that comes into your kid’s path – bust out the snowplow and smooth the way, ensuring an easy open path to success. I got a good laugh from that. My general approach to life is the opposite. Leave the obstacles – we learn from them, we grow from them, we become better because of them. I’m not saying to add extra, or to ask for more – but whatever is put in front you – ya, lean in. Ditch the snowplow, grab a shovel and start digging. But then when I think about Amichai, I sometimes wonder if this is always the right approach. Should I be clearing the way?

Watching a child with CP grow up is awe-inspiring but it is also relentless and demanding.  Amichai has mastered so many everyday tasks. He walks up and down stairs with ease. He can get dressed by himself – well, most of the way – he still gets a bit stuck when putting on his shirt and socks aren’t always great…but he tries and he will get it. Amichai can brush his teeth, get in and out of the bath himself, eat, go to the bathroom, ride his scooter fast and furious – all on his own. It is awe-inspiring because he does it his own way with his own brand of grace. My husband Gabe recently remarked that Amichai’s physical challenges do not worry him – that he doesn’t even see them as an obstacle. All he sees is kid that is capable. Pretty great statement, right? Good Gabe – this is what my friends call him – because he is. He gets it and its one of the many reasons I married him. But Gabe’s remark is also testament to how hard this kid works.

Amichai makes it look easy. Eazy peezy he says. But the road is not always smooth – it curves every which way, up and down and then up again – with bumps and potholes around each turn. We meet this chaos with order and structure. Repetition after repetition until he understands how his body needs to work. Every day we stretch. Every day we do our exercises. His well-being depends on it. It can be exhausting and there really isn’t a break. For him or for me. And because he works so hard, because he is so motivated to meet the struggle that will never go away – I ask myself, should I clear the way of other obstacles because he already has enough?

This feeling is compounded by the fact that Amichai also faces obstacles in his family life. He is a child of divorced parents, and even if everything went easily – the fact is that Amichai is being raised in two different environments with two different approaches. To comprehend that, to manage that, to thrive in that – that is a hard feat. But Amichai puts in the work here as well. He happily goes to his weekly therapy session. Not many people go happily to therapy. He knows he has a space to express himself – and he is learning how to communicate those feelings outside of the therapist’s office. He has a pretty firm understanding of the roles people play in his life and what those relationships mean to him. Not too shabby for a six-year-old. So …isn’t that enough too? Can’t I just make it a little easier for him by gently – or fine forcibly, with all of my might – kicking something out of his way?

I go around and around in my head, but ultimately my gut tells me no. Don’t do it. Because even if I wanted to ride my snowplow in front of Amichai his whole life, even if I thought that was a legitimate way to help him find success– I can’t get to every single obstacle he will face. The challenges in life come in every direction and they are unavoidable. It just doesn’t help to shelter him from them. I want my child to engage in this world, to participate, to contribute – and that means he needs to face what is in front of him on his own two feet, no matter the difficulty, no matter how much it scares me.

So what does help him? And how can I reconcile my legitimate feelings of wanting to ease the way for my child who already faces enough, but also my deep conviction that the obstacles are there to make us better? I think the answer lies in this – he is not alone. That while he might need to face whatever hurdle is in front of him on his own, there will always be someone close by – offering guidance, support, and encouragement. And knowing this – knowing that you are never alone – this breeds confidence and trust that you can take on anything. I know this to be true in my own life. The times that I have faced struggles, it was the people who I knew stood behind me, who I knew would not leave me – they gave me the ability to stand boldly. Amichai has this same army of people surrounding him. It is a privilege to captain this army, but it gives me great comfort in knowing that the company I lead – they share the same dedication to this child I love profoundly and intensely.

For now, I’ll leave the snowplow behind. I’ll let Amichai run in front of me or walk a few paces behind me as he often does. As he gets older, I’m sure there will be times he won’t want to walk with me at all. Its just not cool Mom. And then when something comes up, when he faces the unavoidable obstacle in his path – with an entire platoon of people cheering him on – he will kick it out of the way himself…eazy peezy.